MONSTER AND ME
You're alone in the house. And you know he's coming. You know he'll show up. A monster. It makes you do strange things. Makes you do things that make you feel terrible. You feel remorse. Things that make you sick to your stomach and make you want to throw up. But you can't help but keep doing it anyway.
At first, he acted like a friend. "You'll feel better",he said. And you believed him. You went to the store together and bought all this stuff. And then you hurried home. You'd like to run. You're so excited to get home and use up all your stuff.
You want to stop. But he won't let you. "You're not gonna leave it here", he says. "You can't." So you listen to him and you keep going until it all goes away. And then you get sick.
You are beginning to see his true form more and more clearly. You notice that he has huge forks for hands and wonder how it's possible you didn't see that before. Suddenly, you finally get a better look at him. He's a slimeball. He's a man of substance. There's barely a hair left on his head. He's wearing a tank top that's perpetually greasy from eating. Huge claws that impale everything they can. And his wicked smile. That smile. That's the worst.
You can finally see it clearly in all its glory. And you don't want to live with him anymore. But it's hard, he keeps coming back. You have no idea how to get rid of it.
It's not a horror story. Although it may be horror to us. The monster's name is (Seizure) Overeating. "Seizure" is in parentheses because it doesn't have to be just that. The term binge eating refers to an eating disorder. I lived with it myself for several years and felt similar to what I described above.
One has an uncontrollable urge to buy a lot of food. Salty food, sweet food, all food. And then he's incredibly excited to hide somewhere and eat his food. Because these escapades are always fundamentally self-initiated. He won't admit it to anyone. It's not gourmet eating, it's devouring. It's as if it were life. Often the person in question doesn't even have a taste for food, but feels an overwhelming need to eat it all. And it's really a huge amount. Naturally, after such an act, no one can feel good either physically or mentally.
But it doesn't have to be just an eating disorder (ED). This is the most advanced stage. Binge eating and emotional eating in some form has certainly been and is experienced by a great many of us. It may not be as regular as PPP. Maybe not as extreme. But it still bothers you and you don't know what to do about it. Maybe you're trying to lose weight, but as soon as something upsets you, you have an extra helping of cake. That's what we're talking about here, too.
There are more and more guides on the Internet on how to eat, how to lose weight, what are good and bad foods. What is the latest diet and what to stick to so that your figure finally changes into that dream image you carry in your head. Some of the guides are not bad, they can even be very helpful. But I feel like the whole fitness industry is taking this the wrong way.Because the key, in my opinion, is not knowing exactly how to eat. Pretty much everyone knows the basics. Using common sense we can determine which foods are healthy and which are less so, right?
But the key is to manage to stick to it. Handle it mentally. Delve into the brain processes behind it. Build a healthy relationship with food and yourself. There are more and more guides and diets available. But the population is still getting fatter. Why? Because no one is addressing the psyche behind it all..
Já jsem však našla řešení. Zjistila jsem, co je třeba k tomu, abychom monstrum porazili. Je třeba pracovat s myslí a myšlenkovými vzorci. Přestat být jejím otrokem a stát se jejím pánem. A právě na to se zaměřuji.
Sama jsem si emoční jedení prožila (vlastně jsem si to prožila v té nejhorší formě záchvatovitého přejídání) a snažím se vám skutečně pomoct každým článkem i produktem.
I've already said goodbye to my monster. And so, after many years together, I decided to introduce him to the world. So now I'm writing an article called "Compulsive Overeating and Me".
It is generally not easy to write about these things. But I am really trying my best to help you, so you need to know about my own experiences as well. Because this "friend" has been with me for maybe TEN YEARS.Which is really not OK and it hasn't done my health much good.
It was indeed as I wrote above. The compulsive need to consume food. For we often fill the lack with food. Unfortunately, not just food deprivation, but emotional deprivation. We try to stuff that huge hole and feel like food will help. Unfortunately, because of this, we then just spin in a vicious circle that we can't see a way out of. It's not just a matter of will. Often the need is really VERY urgent. It must be satisfied immediately.
To date, I have not found any relevant material anywhere concerning this phenomenon. The word "relevant" is important, because there is plenty of material as such. But most of them give advice along the lines of "stress less". Haha, thanks, Sherlock, that's exactly what I needed to know. It's more or less true, but did it help me? No, it didn't. Another one offers a "trick to get rid of emotional eating instantly". There is no trick, of course.
It has to be taken one step at a time. Replace key thought patterns. Get rid of emotional blocks. Build key habits. Find stability. Build a healthy relationship with food. Lots of work.
For the vast majority of my ten years "with a friend" I didn't realize what was going on. I just wanted to eat. It was fine. Spoustu let jsem strávila taky s „kamarády“ jménem Antidepresiva. Šlo to ruku v ruce. Byla jsem dítě a nedokázala jsem se tomu bránit. Nebyla jsem ještě dostatečně emočně vyspělá. Nedokázala jsem sama ujít tu šíleně dlouhou cestu a zbavit se toho. Spousta lidí to bohužel nedokáže ani v dospělosti.
(Note: Antidepressants are a good choice in many cases. It is certainly not my intention to discourage anyone from taking them. They are often real lifesavers! With your doctor, of course, you choose the ones that work for you. What I write here is only my own experience. In fact, I specifically did not need antidepressants, but another solution.)
Každou noc mi bylo špatně. I tehdy, kdy se žádná „eskapáda“ nekonala. Můj organismus samozřejmě trpěl. Neměla jsem ani příliš energie, jelikož jsem sice prijímala spoustu kalorií, ale velmi málo hodnotných živin.
Vstávání bylo učiněný horor. Moje hormony byly samozřejmě rozhozené taky. Velmi zjednodušeně řečeno, hormon, který vám pomáhá vstát, je kortizol. Aneb „stresový hormon“. Jeho hladina by měla být nejvyšší po ránu, probere vás. Já jsem to měla ale naopak. Plus, not only did I get sick at night, I got sick in the morning. I forced myself into breakfast, ate it with great reluctance. But back then it was still believed that breakfast was the basis of the day and that you couldn't exist without it. And so I just had to eat it.
Asi v polovině mého „sedánku s kámošem“ jsem se vydala na určitou…fitness cestu. Vždycky jsem byla aktivní člověk, ale tehdy jsem se tomu začala opravdu věnovat. Chodit do posilovny, počítat každou kalorii… Je to kapitola sama o sobě a mohla bych o ní napsat samostatný článek. Mohl by se klidně jmenovat například „Jak jsem si ničila zdraví vol. 2“. Co je pro nás teď ale důležité, tak to, že občas jsem opravdu dokázala svůj příjem krotit, když jsem si vážila každé sousto, co jsem snědla. Kdybychom spolu teď mluvili, zeptala bych se vás „myslíte, že to bylo dlouhodobé?“. Určitě byste odpověděli „ne“. A měli byste naprostou pravdu.
V tomto období se moje postava hodně změnila. Zvenčí to vypadalo, že k lepšímu. Rapidně jsem zhubla. A měla jsem super zadek. „Co chceš víc?“ Možná jen být zdravá. A to jsem vážně nebyla. Mezi dny, kdy jsem svůj příjem hlídala, se vyskytovaly určité neplánované „cheat days“. On those days, there was usually some sort of problem. More stress than usual. But since my intake on those days was lower than it should have been, it didn't thwart my weight loss efforts. It worked for a while. As long as I lived in some kind of... bubble of my own.
But one day the bubble burst. And life brought more problems. Stress. And my "friend", who I was seeing a little less of, moved back in with me. I think that was the beginning of one of the worst periods of my life so far. And my "friend" had a lot to do with it. I felt like staying in bed forever. With my food. Never to come out. Not to talk to anyone, not to go anywhere. Among other things, of course, I had a problem with the way I looked. I didn't want to show my face in public. But I've always been a fairly strong person, and despite all that, I've actually lived a seemingly "normal" life. But normal it certainly wasn't. I felt best at home in bed surrounded by food. The worst I felt was about thirty minutes after that. At home in bed surrounded by food wrappers. When I felt like throwing up and crying at the same time.
How does it feel to eat a huge amount of food at once? Unpleasant. More or less, you don't even like the food you're eating. But you simply HAVE to eat it. Not even a bite. Normally, that much would last me maybe two days. So you can probably imagine how that might make you feel. He's sick. Really sick. Mentally, but mostly physically at the moment. He's stuffed. And the only "activity" that can be considered at that moment is lying down.
Tehdy to zašlo všechno trošku do extrému. Vždy jsem byla pozitivní a sebevědomý člověk. Se vším se nakonec poprala a bylo fajn. Ale tehdy? Tehdy ne. Porucha příjmu potravy, deprese, sebevědomí na nule, vlivem toho všeho samozřejmě i zdravotní potíže. Článku teď dodám ještě depresivnější nádech, protože zmíním, že jsem si tehdy říkala, že by bylo mnohem lepší, kdybych vůbec nebyla.
A teď si možná říkáte, proč jsem nevyhledala odbornou pomoc. Ale když se vrátíte o pár odstavců nahoru, všimnete si, že jsem zmiňovala antidepresiva. Vyhledala jsem odbornou pomoc. Už několik let před tímto fiaskem. Psychiatra i psychologa. Dokonce několik. Nevím, jestli jsem měla jen smůlu na doktory, ale práce s nimi byla bohužel naprosto zcestná, irelevantní a situaci absolutně neřešila. Asi jsem neměla na tyto doktory zrovna štěstí.
Kdo mě z toho nakonec dostal? Já.
I'll probably never post the full details of my life and what specifically went on, but if you really want to know, you can ask me, for example, in an email.
However, yes, there is a happy ending coming. I've learned to judge my life with distance. Objectively determine what's going on and what to do about it. Eliminate the depression, the anxiety and the damn eating disorder. I learned to be a very happy person every single day,really, without exaggeration. But it's been a long road.
Gradually I came to a great mental transformation. And today I am a completely different person. Stable. I realize that my "core" is not really touched by anything that the mind deals with. I don't suffer from any emotional hunger. I am complete. Of course, there are moments when I start to become reactive in some way inside myself. When I get emotional. When I might even be unhappy. But underneath that is always the realization that it's okay. That it's an illusion. And that nothing's wrong.
Life is even more beautiful because of our senses, our thoughts and emotions. If we realize that nothing can threaten us and we are fully stable, we learn to enjoy the "ups and downs" of our mind.
Věřte, nebo ne, ale začne vás vlastně bavit, když občas budete nešťastní. Protože budete vědět, že o nic nejde. A následně si budete užívat ten vzestup. Budete vědět, že jste naživu. Budete chtít otevřeně milovat, smát se, křičet, nadávat a plakat. Budete chtít navazovat různé vztahy s ostatními lidmi. A nerozhodí vás, když nevyjdou podle vašich představ.
You will be able to give your "all" because you will know that your supply is infinite. That you don't have a limited amount of love or anything else. And the more of it that flows through you, the more enjoyable it is for you. You won't be afraid to hold your heart in the palm of your hand. You won't be afraid to stand up to others. You won't be afraid of being hurt. You will not be offended and you will not be touched. You will not be deprived or starved. You will not be afraid. Because you will know that everything is all right.
But I would like to add that binge eating is a similar bugger to anorexia.It's just less talked about because it's less visible. When a person's "unnatural decline" is suspicious. When a person is getting fatter, they're just a sloth/ glutton. And these people don't talk about it themselves, they are ashamed. But if any of you readers are suffering from this disorder, know that you are really not alone in this and that there is no need to throw in the towel. Everything is manageable!
But the important thing is to take things one step at a time. And take care of your health first and foremost. Mental and physical. And then you start to deal with appearance or whatever. It won't work the other way around.
Pokud máš pocit, že nevíš, jak svoji situaci změnit a potřebovala by jsi s tím pomoct, sestavila jsem pro Tebe kurz, kde Ti předám potřebné informace a naučím Tě je aplikovat v praxi.
